Pregnancy is an extraordinary adventure, however, it is also the moment when everyone suddenly has an opinion.

What you should eat. How much you should exercise. Where you should give birth. Whether to have an epidural, or a caesarean. What your birth plan should say. What you absolutely must buy before the baby arrives.

Somewhere in the middle of all that advice is an expectant mum wondering, "How am I actually supposed to know what is right for me?"

That is the question behind my talk at The Baby Show Olympia: “Positive Pregnancy, Confident Birth: Making the Right Way the Easy Way”. I don't believe a confident birth depends on a perfect birth plan. I believe it comes from understanding your choices, knowing what matters to you, asking good questions and feeling able to speak up when something changes.

There isn't one "right" way to give birth

Modern pregnancy comes with a lot of pressure to aim for a particular type of birth, but birth isn't an exam. Nobody hands out a gold medal for the least intervention, the most intervention, a vaginal birth or a caesarean. After more than 30 years and 4,000 deliveries, I have seen vaginal births, assisted births and caesareans that were all wonderful experiences.

The right birth is the one that is safe and suits you and your baby, and where you understand why decisions are being made. NICE guidance supports women being involved in decisions about their care, with information about the benefits, risks and implications of each option.

You don't have to become an expert in obstetrics to do that. You just need to feel comfortable asking:

"What are my options?"

"What are the benefits and risks?"

"What happens if we wait?"

"What happens if we don't?"

And perhaps the most useful question of all:

"What would you recommend, and why?"

Confidence comes from preparation, not prediction

A birth plan can be extremely useful, but I encourage women to think of it as a birth preferences plan. It is a guide and not a guarantee. You can think about where you'd like to give birth, who you'd like with you, pain relief, positions, mobility, skin-to-skin contact and what matters to you immediately after the birth.

Birth can change, and things sometimes have to change at the last minute. So prepare for the birth you hope for, and for the possibility that you may need a different route. I find it helpful to think of that as revising your plan rather than abandoning it, which isn't failure, it is flexibility.

Make the right way the easy way

You don't need to collect hundreds of facts to improve your birth experience. It helps far more to make a few things easier before labour begins:

• Know who your maternity team is and how to contact them.
• Understand where you plan to give birth and what pain relief is available there.
• Think about who you want supporting you.
• Understand any particular risks that apply to your pregnancy.
• Know which situations mean you should contact your maternity team urgently, reduced baby movements being a good example.

The more familiar all this is before labour starts, the less you have to work out when you're tired and nervous.

Don't be afraid to ask questions

A good maternity conversation should never be a one-way lecture. NICE recommends communication that is clear, individualised, respectful and supportive of shared decision making.

So if someone recommends an intervention, ask, "Can you explain that to me?" You can ask about alternatives, about timing and about what happens next. You can ask for a little time to think. And you can change your mind.

The best experiences I see come from women who trust their team and also take an active part in their care. Being involved simply means understanding the decisions that affect you and your baby.

Positive doesn't mean pretending everything will be perfect

Positive pregnancy is very different from toxic positivity. Nobody can honestly promise that "everything will definitely be fine." What a positive pregnancy does give you is the belief that you can cope with uncertainty, ask for help and make informed decisions as circumstances change.

Sometimes the safest and most positive decision is an intervention you hadn't planned. Sometimes it is to wait. Sometimes your carefully written birth plan goes out of the window, and sometimes the birth you didn't expect turns out to be a wonderful experience.

I'd rather you aimed for confidence than perfection.

Your questions matter

If you remember one thing from my talk, I'd like it to be this. You don't need to know everything. You just need to know what to ask. Ask, listen to the answers, work out what matters to you, and make sure the people caring for you know it too.

Confident birth isn't about controlling every moment. It's about being informed, supported, listened to and involved, whatever route your pregnancy and birth take.

Come and find me at The Baby Show Olympia, 23 to 25 October 2026, where I'll be talking about practical ways to prepare and how to go into birth feeling confident and positive.