Congratulations on the incredible journey you’re about to embark on! You may already be signed up for antenatal classes and have a stack of what to expect books ready to help you prepare for the birth. But how much thought have you given to your relationship as the foundation of your new family?

Most pregnant couples focus entirely on preparing for the baby, it’s so easy to forget about yourselves. It’s easy to think, “we’re strong, parenthood won’t change us.” But every couple I’ve ever worked with at Parents that Work has been surprised by just how much life with a baby transforms even the healthiest relationship.

Becoming parents doesn’t automatically bring you closer or push you apart, it changes how you relate. You’ll both grow, stretch and evolve in ways that require more communication, empathy and teamwork than ever before.

Many couples avoid talking about their relationship because it feels awkward, they don’t know what to talk about, or they don’t want to “rock the boat.” Having just a few key conversations can make the biggest difference once your baby arrives.

 

What changes when you become parents?

Parenthood shifts your priorities, routines, and sense of identity. It also shines a light on unconscious assumptions about who does what, what good parenting looks like, and how you show love and support.

You might find yourselves slipping into traditional roles or arguing about things that never came up before. That’s completely normal! But it’s easier to navigate when you’re clear on what your expectations and values even are.

 

The five essential conversations to have

If you do nothing else, these five conversations will help you connect as you start your parenting team together:

1. What do we need?
Talk about your hopes, worries and how you each respond when you’re tired or overwhelmed. Understanding your emotional needs helps your partner respond with empathy, not frustration.

2. What are our family values?
Discuss what matters most to you, from equality to adventure to kindness. Shared values act as your compass when you face tough choices and will be the bedrock for your future decisions.

3. How will we share the load?
From night feeds to washing, discuss how you’ll divide the mental and physical load. Partners, think ahead about how you can take the lead in supporting recovery and daily life.

4. What’s the plan for parental leave?
Explore creative ways to share time at home so both of you can build strong bonds and confidence early on. Equal caregiving benefits your relationship, your child’s development and long-term family balance. The choices you make in this first year also set the precedent for balance later on.

5. How will you stay connected?
Intimacy will change and that’s normal. Talk about what helps you feel close, connected and appreciated, whether that’s touch, laughter, or teamwork.

 

Why these conversations matter

When couples skip these discussions, small misunderstandings can grow into resentment. The time you invest in your relationship now will strengthen every part of your family’s future. Keep talking, keep appreciating each other, and remember: you’re on the same team.

These are a sample of some of the conversations from Beyond Baby Talk, the couples’ workbook with 12 essential conversations to prepare you for life after baby. Available to buy at the Baby Show.

Rachel will be at The Baby Show, Olympia on the 24th October to share more tips about finding your balance as a family. If you can’t be there, Rachel is also the co-host of the podcast, Equal-ish, which explores what it really takes to build equal partnerships at home and at work.