Bringing a baby into the world is extraordinary - but when it comes to sleep, the noise, opinions and “shoulds” can be deafening. You only have to scroll for a few minutes before being told you’re “making a rod for your own back,” “creating bad habits,” or “doing it wrong.”

At Calm & Bright Sleep Support, we’ve heard it all. We’ve also spent 15 years walking alongside more than 30,000 families through the bleary-eyed nights and uncertain days of early parenthood. As paediatric nurses, mothers and sleep experts, if there's one thing we know for sure, it’s this: you are not failing, and your baby is not broken.

The truth is, there is no single “right” way for babies to sleep - only what feels right for your baby and your family. This is the real talk we’ll be bringing to The Baby Show this year: no guilt, no pressure, just love-led, evidence-based support that helps you rest in confidence, not comparison. Let’s dive in shall we?

 

What’s Biologically Normal (and Beautifully So)

Newborn and young baby sleep looks nothing like adult sleep - and it’s not meant to. Tiny babies are born with immature sleep systems, small tummies, and a deep biological need for contact and connection. Frequent waking, feeding, and closeness aren’t “bad habits”; they’re survival mechanisms.

When you understand that, the pressure lifts. You can stop measuring your nights against anyone else’s and start tuning into your baby’s cues. That might look like contact naps, feeding to sleep, or your baby waking every couple of hours - all of which are completely normal.

In the early months, our role isn’t to teach babies to sleep independently - it’s to help them feel safe enough to rest. When babies feel secure, their nervous systems calm, their breathing steadies, and their sleep naturally deepens over time.

So if you’re cuddling, rocking, feeding or holding your baby to sleep - you’re not creating a problem to fix later. You’re laying the foundation for lifelong attachment and emotional security.

 

Bad Habits Don’t Exist

We hear this fear every single day - “I’m worried I’m making a rod for my own back.”

Let us say this with love and absolute certainty - bad habits don’t exist.

Every time you pick your baby up when they cry, every time you feed them back to sleep, every time you hold them a little longer just to make sure they’re truly settled - you’re not creating a problem. You’re meeting a need.

You’re showing your baby that their voice matters, that comfort is safe, and that they can trust you completely. These loving, repetitive moments of care are not mistakes to fix later - they are the very building blocks of secure attachment, which science tells us is the strongest predictor of healthy emotional development and, beautifully, better sleep in the long term.

You’re not creating dependence - you’re creating safety. And safety is the soil from which confidence and independence grow.

When babies know comfort is available, they don’t become more demanding - they become more peaceful. When they trust that love will come, they rest more deeply, because they know they are safe.

So please, let go of the guilt. You are not “spoiling” your baby. You are shaping a nervous system that knows how to calm, connect and rest.

What you’re doing isn’t just good enough - it’s exactly what your baby needs.

 

The Science Bit - Sleep Architecture

Babies aren’t born with fully developed sleep systems. In the first few months, their bodies don’t yet produce melatonin - the sleep hormone that tells us when it’s time to rest - and their circadian rhythm - the body clock that helps us distinguish night from day - is still finding its rhythm.

By around six months, these systems mature. Melatonin begins to rise naturally in the evenings, cortisol drops overnight, and their circadian rhythm starts to sync with light and dark. This is what we call sleep architecture - the framework of hormones, cycles and body cues that allow babies to move between lighter and deeper sleep with more ease.

When we reach this stage, we can feel confident that our babies are biologically ready for longer, more restorative stretches of sleep. And here’s the best part - by responding to your baby’s needs from day one, you’ve already built the perfect foundation for it. Every feed on demand, every cuddle, every moment of comfort has wired their brain for safety and attachment.

Secure attachment and mature sleep architecture - the dream team. Together, they create the readiness your baby needs to rest deeply, safely and independently when the time comes.

 

Feeding & Sleep - Designed to Work Together

Feeding and sleep were never meant to be separate. Nature designed them to work in perfect harmony. Whether you breastfeed, bottle feed, or a mix of both, feeding your baby to sleep isn’t something to undo — it’s something to understand.

Breastmilk, in particular, contains the amino acid tryptophan - a natural building block for serotonin and melatonin, the hormones that regulate mood and sleep. During evening and night feeds, breastmilk naturally contains higher levels of tryptophan, gently helping your baby’s body wind down and encouraging deeper, more settled sleep. It’s biology’s way of saying: “You’re doing it right.”

For babies who are bottle-fed, the same closeness, warmth and rhythm of feeding offer equally powerful sleep cues. The steady heartbeat, the smell of their parent’s skin, the comfort of holding eye contact - all of it tells the brain: you’re safe, it’s time to rest.

When we honour feeding and sleep as a connected pair rather than something to separate, everything softens. Instead of feeling like you’re “doing it wrong,” you can trust that you’re working with your baby’s biology, not against it. Over time, as their melatonin production and circadian rhythm mature, they’ll need less help to drift off - but the comfort they’ve known from being fed, held and loved will remain at the core of how they rest.

 

Creating Gentle Sleep Foundations

From the very beginning, your baby’s sleep is designed around survival - short cycles, frequent feeds, and lots of contact. But as they grow, everything starts to change. Around the four-month mark, most babies become more receptive to rhythm and routine. Their sleep cycles lengthen, their circadian rhythm starts to mature, and they begin to recognise the difference between day and night.

This doesn’t mean you need to follow a strict schedule - it simply means you can start to gently guide their sleep in ways that feel nurturing and realistic for you both. The goal isn’t independence overnight, it’s gentle consistency.

When you’re ready, there are simple, love-led ways to help your baby link their sleep cycles and find deeper rest - without force, fear, or leaving your instincts behind.

We call this laying the foundations:
• Follow their cues, not the clock. Notice your baby’s natural rhythms - those early signs like zoning out, glazed eyes, yawns or turning their head away - and begin a calming wind-down around those moments.
• Prioritise the environment. A darkened room, a comfortable temperature and gentle white or pink noise can cue your baby’s body for rest by lowering stimulation and signalling safety.
• Create a predictable bedtime rhythm. A short, connecting sequence - feed, cuddle, lullaby, lights out - builds familiarity. Babies find deep comfort in repetition; it helps their bodies know what’s coming next.
• Protect naps where you can, but release perfection. Motion naps, contact naps, pram naps - they all count. The goal is rest, not rigidity.

These early foundations don’t have to look perfect to work. They’re about rhythm and reassurance, not rules. As your baby grows and their sleep architecture develops, their body will begin to recognise these patterns as “sleep time,” making longer, more restorative stretches naturally possible.

 

Finding the Right Nap Gap

Just like night sleep, day sleep follows patterns of readiness that change as your baby grows. Every little one has a sweet spot between naps - what we call the nap gap - the window of time their body can stay comfortably awake before becoming overtired.

Getting that balance right can make all the difference. When a nap happens too soon, your baby might only catnap because they’re not quite ready for deeper rest. When it’s too late, overtiredness sets in - cortisol rises, their body feels wired, and settling becomes harder.

You don’t need to watch the clock minute by minute - your baby will always show you when they’re ready. Look for sleepy cues like glazed eyes, zoning out, quiet play, rubbing their eyes, or turning their head away. These subtle signs usually appear before the more obvious ones like fussing or crying. That’s your cue to begin a gentle wind-down - dim lights, white noise, soft voice - helping their body shift gears into rest.

Over time, their nap gaps will stretch and their patterns will become more predictable. In your Calm & Bright Sleep Needs Table you’ll find a simple guide to average awake windows for each age - but remember, they’re a framework, not a rule. What matters most is rhythm, not rigidity.

 

When You’re Ready for the Next Step

As your baby grows - often around six months and beyond - you might start noticing that what once worked no longer does. Feeds stretch further apart, naps begin to shift, and suddenly you’re wondering when (or how) to help them settle more independently.

This is where gentle, evidence-based sleep teaching can make a world of difference. It’s not about leaving your baby to cry; it’s about guiding them - with love, consistency, and clear reassurance - to develop the skill of settling while knowing you’re always there.

At Calm & Bright, our work is rooted in both science and soul. We draw from paediatric sleep research, but every plan is written through the lens of love and responsiveness. We teach at your pace, never faster than feels right, and always in partnership with you.

When sleep begins to click, the transformation is remarkable:

• Babies begin to settle calmly and link sleep cycles naturally.
• Parents rediscover rest, space, and joy in their evenings.
• Families reconnect - not just through better nights, but through lighter, happier days.

 

Real Talk, Real Parents, Real Hope

We know how it feels to be awake at 2am wondering if you’re doing it wrong - we’ve been there, both as mothers and as nurses. That’s why our mission has always been to remove shame and bring truth, compassion, and clarity back into the sleep conversation.

You don’t need to do it perfectly. You don’t need to follow a strict schedule. You don’t need to choose between connection and rest.

You just need information you can trust - and support that meets you where you are.

 

Join Us at The Baby Show

This year at The Baby Show, we’ll be sitting down with parents to have honest, heart-led conversations about sleep - the kind you don’t often hear.

We’ll talk about:

• What’s truly normal in those early months.
• How to build gentle, realistic sleep foundations.
• How to protect your wellbeing without guilt or pressure.
• How to move towards solid, confident sleep when you’re ready.

We’ll also take your questions, share real-life stories, and offer tangible, evidence-based advice that works in the real world.

You’ll leave reassured, inspired, and ready to tune out the noise - knowing that your instincts are powerful, your baby is doing exactly what they’re meant to do, and that rest is coming.

 

Final Thoughts

If you remember one thing, let it be this: you are doing it right.

Whether your baby sleeps for 20 minutes or two hours, whether you bedshare, rock, feed, or sing them to sleep - you are the safest place they know. That connection is the foundation of every good night’s rest to come.

No guilt. No pressure.
Just love, trust, and real, rested sleep - for you and your baby.

Eve & Gem
Co-Founders & Sisters
Calm & Bright Sleep Support
UK’s leading paediatric sleep experts and resident sleep specialists at Mamas & Papas