Pregnancy comes with a lot of preparation.

Appointments. Antenatal classes. Checklists. Seemingly endless shopping lists of ‘essential’ items.

And somewhere between choosing a pram and learning how to swaddle, there’s something we often forget - each other.

Valentine’s Day is the day when we’re supposed to pause for grand gestures and romantic dinners. Pregnancy, on the other hand, is often about indigestion, exhaustion and wondering how your life is about to change forever. So let’s gently reset expectations for this year.

Showing your love for each other during pregnancy doesn’t need to be in the grand gestures. It’s in building small shifts of awareness and new habits that help you move into parenthood together.

Here are five simple ways to build a deeper loving connection while you’re expecting (no rose petals required).

1. Lower the bar for “connection”

Connection doesn’t have to mean long heart-to-hearts or elaborate plans. Especially when one of you is growing a human. The way you’re intimate is likely to be changing, the connection you’re seeking might be more in moments of reassurance and alignment.

Connection during pregnancy often looks like:

• dreaming together about your new family
• a hand on the bump while watching TV
• asking, “How are you really feeling today?”

These micro-moments matter more than grand gestures. They’re what carry you through the busy, hormonal, uncertain days.

2. Talk about how you’re experiencing pregnancy, not just the logistics

It’s easy to get blindsided by all the practical things: appointments, finances, leave, baby gear.

What then gets missed is how differently pregnancy is experienced emotionally between you both.

One of you may feel deeply connected already.
The other might feel excited, terrified, or slightly on the outside looking in.

Sometimes you might feel all of this at the same time. It’s completely normal and really helps to say it out loud.

Try asking:

• “What feels exciting right now?”
• “What are you nervous about?”
• “What do you need more of from me this week?”

These conversations build empathy and appreciation for each other’s experience. A habit that is invaluable to instill before exhaustion kicks in.

3. Show appreciation out loud (even for the obvious things)

Whether you think it will or not, pregnancy quietly changes the balance of who does what in the home, physically, emotionally and mentally.

Instead of letting effort go unnoticed, name it.

“Thank you for taking the lead today.”
“Thank you for checking in.”
“Thank you for being patient with me.”

Appreciation is one of the simplest ways to protect connection and is surprisingly powerful for defusing negative emotions like resentment.

4. Don’t wait until after the baby arrives to talk about “us”

Many couples avoid talking about their relationship during pregnancy because they don’t want to rock the boat.

Ironically, it’s not having the conversations that often creates tension later.

Pregnancy is actually the calmest moment you’ll have for a while. It’s the ideal time to gently explore:

• how you want to support each other
• how you’ll share the mental load
• what really matters to you as a family

You don’t need all the answers. But starting to have the big conversations prepares you to navigate change consciously.

5. Remember: you’re already becoming a team

Parenthood doesn’t start at birth. It starts the moment you begin adjusting your lives around this new chapter.

Your relationship is the foundation of your family and like any strong team, it thrives on communication, clarity and connection.

This Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing on perfection, focus on partnership.

Because staying connected during pregnancy isn’t about doing more. It’s about being a little more intentional, together.

 

Rachel Childs will be speaking at The Baby Show, Excel in March, sharing how expectant couples can prepare for parenthood in a way that feels equal, connected and calm. She is also the co-host of the podcast Equal-ish and author of Beyond Baby Talk, a couples’ workbook designed to help parents-to-be start the conversations that matter most.