How you approach writing a birth plan really matters, because making one is not about being rigid or trying to control birth. It is about feeling informed, supported, and heard. Somewhere along the way, birth plans picked up a reputation for being unrealistic or setting people up for disappointment, but in reality, a good birth plan does the opposite. It creates space for understanding, flexibility, and confidence, even when birth unfolds differently than expected.

Birth can unfold in many ways. That is simply the truth of it. For many people, birth includes medical support, and that is not a bad thing. Modern maternity care exists for a reason. Around one in three women experience an induction of labour, and many births involve decisions being made along the way. These moments are not signs that something has gone wrong. They are part of the reality of giving birth today.

About one in ten births involve instruments such as forceps or ventouse, and around four in ten babies are born by caesarean section, whether that is planned or unplanned. These interventions can be life saving, and they play an important role in keeping both parents and babies safe. Only a small percentage of women experience a completely unmedicated birth, and that is okay. There is no right way to give birth. Every birth story matters.

This is where your approach to a birth plan becomes so important. A birth plan is not meant to be a rigid document that locks you into one outcome. It is meant to be a tool that helps you feel prepared, grounded, and supported, whatever direction your birth takes.

When you start thinking about a birth plan, it can be helpful to move beyond surface level preferences and go a little deeper. Yes, it can include things like where you would like to give birth or what kind of pain relief you might prefer, but it is also an opportunity to explore how you feel about birth more generally. Are there aspects of labour or medical procedures that you feel unsure about. Are there things that make you feel anxious or that you hope to avoid if possible. Are there experiences from the past that might shape how you feel walking into this birth.

These questions matter because fear and uncertainty have a real impact on birth experiences. Research consistently shows that feeling unprepared or unheard during birth is closely linked to higher levels of stress and a greater risk of birth trauma. A birth plan gives you a chance to identify these feelings ahead of time, rather than discovering them in the middle of labour.

This is also why planning for different possibilities is not negative or pessimistic. It is actually one of the most protective things you can do. Birth plans are often misunderstood as wish lists for an ideal birth, but some of the most valuable parts of a birth plan focus on the what if moments. What if labour does not start on its own. What if pain relief becomes necessary. What if interventions are suggested quickly. What if plans change in ways you did not expect.

Thinking through these scenarios allows you to decide in advance what matters to you if they arise. You might consider what questions you would want to ask, how much information you would like before making decisions, and how you want things explained to you in the moment. You might think about how your birth partner can best support you if you feel overwhelmed or unsure. These conversations can make an enormous difference when you are in labour and emotions are running high.

Evidence shows that feeling involved in decision making during birth has a far greater impact on how people feel about their experience than the type of birth they have. Even when birth becomes unpredictable or urgent, being kept informed, feeling listened to, and being treated with respect can protect your sense of confidence and wellbeing long after birth is over.

Your birth plan is also a powerful tool for your birth partner. Labour can be intense, emotional, and fast moving, and it can be difficult to communicate clearly in the moment. When you have already talked through your preferences, concerns, and values, your birth partner is better equipped to support you in ways that feel meaningful. They can help ask questions, remind staff of your wishes, and offer reassurance when you need it most.

It is important to say that a birth plan does not give you control over birth itself. Birth will always have elements that are out of your hands. What a birth plan does offer is agency. Agency means understanding what is happening, being involved in decisions wherever possible, and feeling that your voice matters. Research into birth trauma increasingly highlights that it is the loss of agency, rather than medical intervention itself, that has the biggest impact on long term emotional outcomes.

You can have a highly medicalised birth and still feel empowered and positive. You can also have a physiological birth and feel frightened or unheard. The difference lies in communication, support, and respect. A thoughtful birth plan helps lay the groundwork for these things.

When people reflect on positive birth experiences, they rarely focus on the technical details of how their baby was born. Instead, they talk about how they felt. They remember feeling safe, supported, and involved. They remember being treated with kindness and having their concerns taken seriously. This is why the end type of birth is not what matters most in the long term. What matters is how you experienced it.

A birth plan is not a promise of a perfect birth. It is a conversation starter. It is something that evolves over time as you learn more, ask questions, and reflect on what feels important to you. It is not a box ticking exercise and it is not something that needs to look a certain way. It is deeply personal, and it should feel supportive rather than stressful.

If you are pregnant, taking the time to approach your birth plan in this way can help you feel more confident and prepared, even in the face of uncertainty. Birth may bring twists and turns, but with the right information, support, and resources, it is absolutely possible to have a positive and empowering experience that you feel involved in.

And if you are currently pregnant, make sure you are heading to The Baby Show at ExCeL from the 6th to the 8th of March. I will be there for more pregnancy, birth, and postpartum conversations, tips, and honest chats. I would love to see you there.

Every birth story matters. And so does how you feel while living it.